The First Mistake
by tilinelson2
Summary: Rune's inner dialogue after the most tragic event in his journey to save Algol from destruction. A bit of stream-of-counsciousness made easy.


The man opened his eyes. It would be impossible to sleep. That night was the worst night ever. He would give everything he owned to have a second chance. But there would be no second chance. No, he had to live with that. Well, she was dead now. And he was feeling awkward. Sad. He just didn't want to see her go. Not sad like the boy upstairs. He could hear his footsteps there. He could guess that weird girl was with him. He didn't want to think about them. But he had to. If that day was a day of mourning, the following day would be a day of action. Of regrouping what had been left behind and keep on. It was hard, but it had to be done.

No, it would be impossible to sleep. As much as his weary body demanded some rest, his mind would not allow him to sleep. He would always have his mind set on her, thinking in what had just happened. Thinking in what could have been done different. He sat on his bed, his face buried in his hands. Oh, she should not have died. She didn't deserve it. She was the last person to deserve such a fate. And he couldn't accept the way it happened. It was such a waste, nobody was able to do anything to prevent her death. He was powerless, everyone was powerless. He always thought, no matter what, he would be able to do something to prevent things like that from happening. After all, he was not the great Lutz? He was not the chosen one? He was not the most powerful of the powerful espers? He was not the one chosen to protect the world from all evil? But all he was left to do was to watch her die. Now he was sat on his bed, feeling sad and powerless, while the mad guy who killed her was still around. Great thing to be Lutz! Why hold a title that inspired confidence, respect, while he was just a poor and powerless man? No, it would be better to be a farmer, to have nothing to do with the world´s end. Yeah, definitely better. He could give a damn for what was happening and just keep whining about his problems. But then, would it be really better? No, it would be the coward's solution. To ignore the problems. To run away from the responsibilities. No, he can't be serious about that. He may not be a mighty wizard that will solve all the world's problems, but at least he had some dignity. No, he couldn't pretend it was not with him.

The man took a sip of water from the glass he left by his bedside. The night was unusually hotter than he was used to. It was still difficult to believe. He rubbed his hands over his temples, messing his long blue hair, but he was not worried about his appearance. He was worried about his state of mind, his low spirits. The tragedy that ensued. He just couldn't understand why she insisted in facing the danger when he had warned her to not do so. It was not her fault, obviously, but she had advised them to not face that damned black magician, Zio. Why? That tragedy could have been prevented. Alys could be there, with them, preparing to face Zio. Could it have been unavoidable? No, if they were able to retreat when Alys was mortally wounded, they surely could have retreated before. It is just that they should not had taken on Zio without his help. Maybe it was the insistence of the annoying shorty. Not that Chaz was a bad guy, but it would be typical from his teenage angst to try to be a hero and try to defeat Zio without Rune's help, just to show him how he was capable. He know Chaz wanted to prove himself worthy, strong, but he was not prepared. Chaz... that boy had still a lot to learn. It would be difficult. Rune depended on him to defeat the ultimate evil, but the two had a difficult relationship. Chaz was not the easiest guy to deal with. He had to learn to be responsible, to sacrifice himself over anything, for the good of the whole Algol. And it was something difficult to ask from a sixteen boy, specially someone filled with teenage angst, like Chaz. Though it was expected that he would make mistakes, mistakes that cost lives could not be tolerated. And Alys may have paid the price of his recklessness. That was too much. Maybe if the boy had taken the black energy wave himself... not to kill him, obviously, but if he ended hurt... he could learn a lesson. But now it was too late to think about what could have been or not. Besides, Alys herself would be the first to oppose to this idea. After all, hadn't she sacrificed herself to protect Chaz?

Now the boy was crying his heart out to Rika. He used to consider Alys everything in his life. But he was still immature, he didn't really understand her. He still had a lot to learn. Rune's talk with Chaz had to be a bit harsh, as the boy was only thinking of himself. But the esper really hoped the boy would learn something out of that. His only fear was that Rika would spoil it. It was not her fault, but it is easy to make a teenager lose his focus when there is a pretty girl in love with him. Rune couldn't listen to their chit-chat upstairs, but he guessed their conversation would not really be enlightening. Most probably the girl would be just saying he was right, a blameless victim, and that would not help. That would only make the boy fall in love with her, and that was dangerous. Rune knew that. He had already been a teenager. He had already fallen in love. He had to cut short a blossoming relationship to not lose his focus on his obligations as an esper, as the future Lutz. Well, that was too hard to think about that now. Maybe he should have neglected his obligations and live a love he will never be able to live. Maybe he would have matured better. All those years spent on training and what had he learned? A bunch of techniques and magic? Was it worthy, anyway? No, most probably not. Maybe he'd learn more about how to deal with people if he had stayed...

Rune laid on the bed again, but not hoping to sleep. He had to reorganize his thoughts, he had to think over and over of his next steps, of the meaning of his mission. He felt somewhat ashamed of not being able to spare Alys' life. No, not Alys. She was special to him, part of his past. Maybe he was the one to blame. Maybe it was he who failed to tell them they needed the psycho wand to break Zio's magic. He knew that. Maybe it was Chaz who kept on bickering about silly things, so he lost his temper and walked away. But then, was it his fault? The boy is just a boy and Rune is Lutz. Besides, he was much older than Chaz, so he was not the one who should lose his head and walk away. Maybe they didn't know they´d not be able to defeat Zio. Maybe they didn't know about his powerful magic. Maybe Rune should have made himself more clear about the dangers of facing Zio, as he knew them. Maybe he was the one who should be blamed for Alys' death. No, that couldn't be true. That could not be true! That simply could not be true! He could not be held responsible for Alys' death! Never! That would be too much! That would be too painful! No, he could not be held responsible for that. All in all, the only responsible for that was that damned magician Zio. No, Rune couldn't not be held responsible for that. If that was true, he'd end his life, as his life would not be worthy of living.

Zio! Zio! Damn! Zio! Rune punched his pillow in a fit of rage. Zio! He wanted to kill that damned man! He wanted to make him pay for all his crimes, murdering innocent people, destroying cities, spreading the horror! No, that man could not go unpunished. Rune clenched his fists and imagined himself releasing his strongest attack spell towards the damned magician. His rage was so intense that the night almost ended in tragedy, with him releasing the spell by accident. Zio deserved to be defeated, to die. To die the most horrible death a man could have. Much more painful that Alys' death. He was powerful, but not unbeatable. Rune would do anything he could to beat him, to kill him and to avenge the death of Alys. Oh, Alys... Lovely Alys... one of the best women he had ever met. Alys was so strong, so wise, so good-hearted, so fun. He loved her independent style. He loved her twisted humor. He loved her protective ways. He loved everything about her. Oh, how it had been fun to play tricks and pranks in the other hunters when they were young and hung around. Oh, Alys... so much sweet memories... They would never know how much Alys meant for him... Oh, no, that was too much for him... He had to kill Zio! To avenge Alys' death. He would torture Zio endlessly if he was able to do so. He would slice Zio's body in millions of small fragments while he was still alive. He would roast him in a very weak fire. He would take out all his blood, drop by drop. Damned Zio! How could anyone kill Alys? How could anyone be so evil and not feel remorse?

But then, if Alys were alive, she would scold him for seeking vengeance. She would be the first to condemn him for seeking vengeance for her death. It was right to fight Zio for all the evil he stood for. It was right to kill him if that would prevent the deaths of innocent men. But it was not right to fight him seeking vengeance. Vengeance would not bring Alys back anyway, it would only make Rune so bad as Zio. Or even worse. So Rune felt depressed. He was just a poor and powerless man. When it came down to feelings, he was not an esper, a powerful wizard, the Lutz himself. He was just a man. A humble and powerless man. That would suffer like everybody else. That would cry like any other man, sometimes like a baby. Tears were falling from his blue eyes. Oh, Alys... She was gone now. He had lost her. Forever. And it was his fault. He could have prevented that. If only he was not so arrogant. If he trusted himself less and other people more... Alys could be with them. It would be much easier to face Zio and whoever was behind him with the sweet smile of Alys as a companion, not the burden of have let her sacrifice herself... With all his knowledge, his power, his wisdom, he committed a mistake. A big mistake. It was the first mistake... The first mistake he had made. Such a big one. Such a painful one. One that he would never be able to mend. One that would be his shadow, for the rest of his life. One that would be hammering inside his head every time he had to face a difficult situation, to take an important decision. One that he would have to work hard to get over. One that would always be with him, that would be part of him. One that would make him consider himself for a long time an utter failure. That would make him doubt if he was really entitled to be the next Lutz. One that would make him want to tear his esper robe and forget about magic and power. One that would make him want to quit everything and become a hermit. One that would make him remember he was just a man. Well, maybe it was not too bad. All he really needed was to remember he was just a man. To be more humble. To be more careful. To treat the others better. To stop bickering with Chaz and start working as a team. That would be the only way to face the dangers that would be lying ahead on their path and save Algol.

The it was time to recollect what was left behind and face the truth. He would face great dangers. He would have to deal with Zio and whoever was behind all those killings, all that destruction, whoever this Dark Force may be. It would not be easy. But as the first light of a new day that was just dawning, there was always some hope left. Some hope that could be worked on, to flourish, to make him move forward. Alys was dead, but he was not. There was no better way to pay a homage to Alys than to lift his head and face whatever life had reserved to him. He felt that he had to take Alys' position and lead the group from now on, helping Chaz to mature. He would have to take the mission seriously, give himself completely to saving Algol. Maybe he could redeem himself so. Maybe he could make justice to his Lutz fame. Maybe he could do justice to himself. And to Alys'. It would not bring Alys back. But it could, at least, pay a homage to her, completing the task she was unable to complete. And making sure it would never happen to anyone, anymore. No one would cry the loss of their Alyses anymore, as he was crying that day. No more people losing their loved ones. People should be able to live their loves, as hopefully Chaz and Rika would be able to do. People should be happy. People should be free to live a just and honest life. And that would be the main purpose of his wasted life. That would make him live again. No more mistakes. No more pain. No more sorrow. Not anymore. For the whole mankind. For the whole Algol. For himself. For Alys.


End file.
